


Magnetic Hearts

by Hito_Sama



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Real World, M/M, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-06-13 08:44:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15360645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hito_Sama/pseuds/Hito_Sama
Summary: Shikamaru Nara never asked for such a troublesome situation. In fact he actively avoided such things. All he'd ever wanted in life was to be like his father--to have a normal, easygoing and most of all simple fate. It's funny how things never go according to plan. No matter how hard you work to avoid them, problems always arise.





	1. Conscious Recoil

**Author's Note:**

> So, hi, never really posted anything like this online before so I hope it goes over well. ^^;  
> I just wanted to write something really cheesy and cute. Someone convinced me that I should go on and post my writings so, here we are.  
> Also this is the first ever Real world AU i've done so please enjoy!

When had he become this? It had happened so fast, he hadn't even seen it coming before it was too late to stop these thoughts. Shikamaru laid in the grass under a tree, staring up at the sky. He had the memory of that man's scent on his mind, and he couldn't let it go. They weren't even really friends! How could he let it happen? When did a man like him degrade so far into such...useless thoughts? Half the day had been spent thinking about him. About those eyes, about the way he stood, how he held his phone, how he walked so smoothly, seeming to glide through a world he didn't really believe he belonged to.

 

"Fuck!" 

 

Shikamaru sat up abruptly and groaned. With these troublesome thoughts there was no point in trying to relax, he may as well go back to class. Maybe that would keep his mind from wandering where it shouldn't. He went back to class halfway through a test. The teacher frowned at him in annoyance. 

 

"You're late. Only half an hour left of class, was there really a point to coming?" Iruka raised his eyebrows. 

 

"Yessir, I apologize for being so late. I can finish before then if you don't mind letting me start it now," he answered in monotone. Iruka sighed with obvious disbelief and gestured at him with a test packet. He immediately took it, dropping his things and writing at an alarmingly fast and steady pace. He scribbled out answers with a blandly annoyed look on his face, still finishing long before everyone else. 

 

"Can I borrow one of these books?" He asked in a gruff voice as he handed in his test. He just nodded, surprise having grown to amazement. Everyone was issued one but of course he'd left his at home. 

 

"Of course," 

 

Shikamaru took the textbook back to his desk and poured every cell of his mind into it, eventually getting through two chapters and half the questions in the fifteen minutes it took for everyone else to finish. The teacher came up to his desk. 

 

"You don't have to do the questions," 

 

Shikamaru snapped the book closed and offered it to him after shoving his notebook back in his backpack. 

 

"I know," 

 

He left the teacher there staring after him in confused amazement. That surprise only grew and spread, and that Friday when the test results came out he was suddenly faced with a chorus of demanding classmates wanting to know how the fuck he got a perfect score on such a difficult test, especially starting so late. He looked up from the questions he was answering on his notebook with a heavy scowl on his face, eyes immediately darting to Gaara where he sat behind everyone at his desk, ignoring everything and staring out the window blankly. He clicked his teeth in disgust at himself and looked back at his questions. 

 

"I read the book. Study and maybe you'd get a better grade, Naruto," He said to the loudest, closest voice without looking up. Naruto groaned loudly. 

 

"But the book is so boooring," he fell back in his seat and scowled. Iruka Sensei meanwhile just watched from his desk, puzzled. He'd pegged Shikamaru as one of the trouble students, never studying, never doing homework or taking tests seriously. Suddenly yesterday he'd come in a seemingly different person. He didn't want to jinx it by over-examining his reasons and so he let him leave class without saying anything. 

 

From then on Shikamaru did a complete 180 on school work. Literally overnight (well, halfway through class) he'd gone from the least motivated, bottom-of-the-list student to the one with the highest marks. Every time Iruka saw him from then on he had a book in his hand and was scribbling notes in a notebook. The only one who didn't seem to be surprised at this drastic change was his homeroom teacher, Asuma Sarutobi. Though he did wonder where his motivation came from. 

 

"I told you he was smart!" He laughed when Iruka asked, and that had been the end of it. 

 

Despite how hard he was trying to fill his head with studying and drown out the voice that kept whispering about Gaara, he couldn't stop it. At this point, he thought, he'd try anything. It was driving him mad. So when Naruto pulled him aside after school asking if he wanted to go to a party at Kiba's house he immediately accepted. 

 

"Aren't you worried about the test tomorrow?" Choji had asked when he saw him, laughing. He smiled slightly despite himself. 

 

"Of course not. I'll get a perfect score," he didn't even sound remotely like he was bragging--just stating a simple fact. That was probably what annoyed Sasuke more than anything. 

 

"You'll be too sick to test if you drink too much," He growled from where he was sitting on top of the wall of the house. Shikamaru rolled his eyes. 

 

"That a challenge, pretty boy?" He glared up at him, uncharacteristically confrontational. 

 

"With that attitude?" Sasuke jumped off the wall and landed in front of him, straightening to glare at him as only an Uchiha could. "Let's go..." 

 

They sat down at the patio table, a bottle between them. Naruto took the job of pouring the shots, laughing loudly at the jokes Kiba kept telling him. The liquor burned in his throat and for a moment his mind slowed to focus on what was directly in front of him, until suddenly Sasuke groaned and laid his head down. 

 

"Giv'n up, Uchiha?" 

 

"Shuddup Nara...I'm...jus' restin' my head... for a minute..." Sasuke's voice came muffled through his arm as he laid his head down on the low table between them. Naruto laughed and ruffled both their hair, inevitably pulling the hairtie out of Shikamaru's hair. 

 

"I'll be back gonna get s'm food," He said. Shikamaru sipped on his drink and nodded distractedly, staring out into the night sky. Sharp green eyes flashed in his mind and he smiled slightly. He wondered what that tattoo on his arm looked like, and how far it stretched over his skin. Maybe one day I'll get to see it... 

 

He stood and stumbed away from the table and the patio to the gate, hoping to leave these thoughts behind. He didn't know how long he was there before a hand landed on his shoulder. 

 

"Sasuke totally passed out! You got a marker?" He glanced over his shoulder and back at Naruto. 

 

"Uhn, look in my bag I think I have one," He sat down heavily in the grass against the gate and watched from afar as Naruto dug a marker out of his bag and then proceeded to draw on his face. He laughed when it was done and then stumbled back, dropping the marker back on his bag. 

 

"Dude that was fucking awesome! I had no clue you could drink so much, like, nobody ever drinks more than Sasuke," Naruto toppled over onto him. Shikamaru laughed, and after a second groaned and dropped his head in his hands. 

 

"It didn't help though," 

 

"Nnngh?" Naruto groaned and Shikamaru shoved a bottle of water in his hand. 

 

"That....jeez, I cant stop thinking about those eyes. They're so...so green.... It's like they're stuck in my head. No matter how much i do to cover it up i keep thinking about it. Every time I close my eyes I see green eyes...beautiful, sharp.... and that pale white skin... I don't care about the tattoos, God, i just want to--" he cut himself off and shotgunned half of the water in his hand. 

 

"Oh I get it. You're in love!!" Naruto laughed loudly, eventually trailing off when he realized Shikamaru was scowling at him. "...sorry," 

 

"I cant be in love. Not with one of the sand not after..." he groaned and shook his head, brushing his hand through his hair. "....ohhhh, i'm in deep shit, Naruto..." 

 

"Come on, dude, its natural. I bet she's amazing," Naruto took a sip of his water. "It's Temari. Right? I'm sure if you just talk to her you guys can move on from what happened. It was like months ago," Shikamaru shook his head, rubbing his eyes blearily. Suddenly he felt very sick. 

 

"Not... not Temari..." he pushed his hair out of his face again, now visibly frustrated. "Of fucking course he's amazing. Frankly i don't know why nobody else sees it. But... I cant. I don't even talk to him, if he finds out he'd knock the teeth out of my head," there was a long moment of silence in which Naruto slowly processed what he'd said. 

 

"Ooohhhhh...." Naruto had finally made the connections. There was only one of the sand siblings that had such a violent temper... 

 

By the guilty look in his eyes Naruto knew he had hit the nail on the head. Shikamaru groaned. 

 

"That guy, Naruto. I can't take it. I keep looking at him, and every time I do my heart jumps. I couldn't write a book about him... several books... Every breath, how he holds his pencil, how he walks, how he stares out the window during class because he's already finished his test... it's ridiculously beautiful. I can't take it. I'm trying everything I can to get it out of my head.... fuck, I even got piss drunk with fucking Uchiha and that only made it worse because now I can feel him under my fingertips and if I saw him I'd....id....." he trailed off and dropped his head in his hands. "...it's pathetic and unmanly, what I've become. I don't know how to make it stop," 

 

"I'll talk to him for you," Naruto promised. "Gaachan is a good friend of mine. I don't mind," 

 

Shikamaru sat up, alarmed, and pushed his hair out of his face again. 

 

"If you tell him I swear I'll--" he stopped abruptly and leaned forward to puke in the street. Naruto laughed softly and fumbled to hold his hair back for him. 

 

"Let's go home dude. You can crash at my place, it's way closer than yours," 

 

Shikamaru himself didn't remember anything beyond that. He didn't remember Naruto taking him home, or the fact that the entire time he wouldn't stop talking about how great Gaara was. He kept telling stories about different things he'd seen him doing, unexpectedly kind things. As Naruto pushed him into the spare bed, taking the vomit-stained shirt off of him, he sighed a very long-winded sigh and scrunched his face up again in a heavy scowl. 

 

"He's too beautiful, Naruto. It's not fair, im going mad. But someone like me would never be good enough...and on top of that a guy liking another guy? It's not natural. I'll, like, contaminate him or something," Naruto laughed and threw a pillow at him. 

 

"Guys can like guys. I've had several boyfriends. I have one now, but he doesn't want anyone to know we're dating. I also had a thing with Sasuke. He'd punch me if he found out I told you," he giggled. Shikamaru groaned and reached for the trashcan, then answered after throwing up until he was stuck dry heaving. 

 

"...'m too drunk to remember this anyway," he looked up at Naruto with red-rimmed eyes. "You're gay? Why didn't I know?" 

 

"I'm actually pansexual. But it never came up in conversation, did it?" He laughed again. "You need to sleep. We have a test tomorrow, remember?" 

 

Shikamaru groaned again and reached for his hand. "Gaara. Don't go. Don't..." he dropped his head on the pillow. "...i'm sorry, i can't stop thinking about you, I'm sorry," he kept mumbling on, and Naruto tried to pull away but his grip tightened and a fearful expression deepened in his eyes. Naruto tried to tell him he wasn't Gaara but eventually, after a couple tries he realized shikamaru was already half asleep and not listening. 

 

"It's okay, Shikachan. I'll stay, okay? Calm down.." he climbed into the bed beside him, gently leaning over him and setting the trashcan down. "If you're gonna be sick, its right there okay?" Shikamaru just grunted and wrapped his arms around him. 

 

"Gaachan, don't go, I'm sorry, just let me....stay...with you..." he mumbled. Naruto couldn't help smiling. Shikamaru always had an ugly scowl on his face, but he was really cute. He almost felt like he was tricking him, but regardless Naruto was perfectly comfortable snuggling closer to his chest and breathing a sigh into his chest.


	2. Eyes Watching

Shikamaru woke up to the sound of an alarm with a splitting headache. He knocked the clock off the side table and broke it then curled in on himself, closer to the warmth in front of him. He groaned. 

 

"If you gotta puke again, shikachan, the trash is right there," said a familiar voice. 

 

"I'm fine, I just feel...." He trailed off and opened his eyes. Naruto? He sat up, eyes wide in alarm. He was half naked in Naruto's bed. Why? He blushed furiously, mind making all kinds of connections that he didn't dare ask about. 

 

"We didn't do it," Naruto didn't sit up, or move away. In fact he shifted closer and moved his arm around his lap. "...Not that I would have minded, you were just too drunk. And, like, we both like someone else," Shikamaru stared down at him in amazement. 

 

"You're....?" He gestured vaguely and this time Naruto did sit up. 

 

"Woah, you don't remember anything from last night," He laughed. "I'm not gay. Pansexual. But I do have a boyfriend..." He yawned and stretched, then finally noticed why Shikamaru was giving him a strange look. "...Oh, I don't like sleeping with a shirt on. Hope you don't mind," Naruto grinned and got out of bed. "Man I never realized how fuckin' adorable you are, though, Shikachan. You're so cute. Last night you just kept talking about him and honestly I'm kind of jealous," Shikamaru fumbled to get out of bed, groaning at the quick movement. His stomach swam. 

 

"Stop calling me Shikachan. What the fuck did I tell you?" He demanded, scowl deepening more so than usual. Naruto glanced at him and grinned, then shoved a uniform in his hands. 

 

"Wear this. You told me a lot, actually," He disappeared into the bathroom and Shikamararu nearly stumbled after him, but veered sideways towards the trashcan to throw up. Naruto's voice continued from the open door of the bathroom. "I never knew you were such a romantic. Gaara is a lucky man I'll tell you that. If somebody said half the things you told me about him about me I would marry them. Seriously. Why don't you..." He trailed off when he came back and grinned again. Shikamaru was full on glaring at him now. 

 

"If you tell him, I'll beat the shit out of you," He growled. Naruto laughed nervously—Shikamaru wasn't one to make idle threats, even he knew that. Still... Last night he'd been so sincere. With all his inhibitions gone, he'd said such soft things. Just before he'd slept, he'd whispered things in his ear that made him blush just remembering, even though it had been meant for Gaara. 

 

"Gaara is my friend," he mumbled. "You know that, right?" 

 

"Of course I know, who the fuck do you think I am? I could tell you the difference between how many breaths he takes when he's relaxed and annoyed," Shikamaru stood slowly and covered his face with his hands. "Ooohh, my head..." 

 

"Here, use these. You sure got a bad hangover. I'll get you some aspirin and water. Go on, go sit down in the kitchen, I'll take care of it for you. Put the uniform on," he slowly ushered him into the other room. Shikamaru sat down at the table, groaning, and slowly fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. He slowly sipped at the water and half an hour later Naruto returned fresh from a shower. 

 

"Wanna shower, dude?" 

 

"No. I'll shower when I get home. Let's go, I want to take that stupid test and get the fuck out of there," he stood and lumbered to the door. Naruto followed, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. 

 

"Kiba says he'll bring your bag for you. You left it at his place," Shikamaru just grunted disinterestedly in answer. His stomach was swimming, the last thing he wanted to do was go to school where he'd be trapped in a room with....with him. His stomach ached and his head was swimming, and he felt like he was made of clay. 

 

Naruto chattered on and on about useless things. He was tying up his hair as they came up to the turn that was right across from the school when he snapped. 

 

"Naruto, please shut the hell up. Just because you don't get hangovers, doesn't mean I don't. My head hurts and if I have to stuff a rock in your mouth to make you be quiet I will," He warned. 

 

"Ah, yes, yes, of course," He grinned awkwardly. "My bad, dude," 

 

He walked to class in a daze, sat down, and laid his head down on the desktop. Iruka watched worriedly from his desk, afraid that he was falling back into old habits. Kiba dropped his bag at his feet when he got there, but he didn't even look up. His head didn't move from the desktop until Iruka began passing out the tests. To the teacher's relief, as soon as there was a paper on his desk Shikamaru began writing as he always did. He didn't finish quite as fast as he usually could, but he still finished long before Sasuke. The glower on his face as Shikamaru turned around was worth the trouble. He smirked at him, pulling the sunshades down off of the top of his head. The light in here was blindingly painful... Still, the sight of Gaara in the back of the classroom had dragged up thoughts he'd been trying hard to suppressed so, headache and all, he poured himself into the unnecessary and arduous task hed set before himself of studying and memorizing the textbooks. He had already nearly finished this one. 

 

The rest of the day went by in a blur. He forced himself to drink copious ammounts if water, and by the end of the day he felt a lot better. Enough so that by last period he was able to spot Naruto talking to Gaara through the open door despite the glare of light. He froze, staring at the two. Could Naruto be telling him...? He didn't dare risk going up to them. His mind flew for a new answer, until Naruto turned and they began walking towards the door. He leaned against the wall and fumbled to pull out a book, opening it and staring down as if he was reading. When Naruto came within hearing distance his stomach dropped. 

 

"...really care about both of you guys and you deserve to be happy so i wanted to see if you would maybe give him a chance? I mean he is a guy but..." They crossed the threshold and Shikamaru snapped his book shut, drawing both their eyes. He tried to ignore Gaara and hide that every cell in his body had focused on the fact that he was looking at him now. He glowered at Naruto, who laughed nervously. Before anyone could speak he left. 

 

"...anyway uh I promised I wouldn't say who he was...he uh, didn't know I was gonna ask you," he glanced back over at where Shikamaru had left towards. Gaara raised his eyebrows at the phrasing and just nodded. 

 

"...Fine. If he talks to me, I'll listen," He said quietly. "Stop bothering me at school," He turned and walked off and Naruto watched him go with a slightly confused look on his face. 

 

"I dunno how the heck you talk to that guy. He's scary. Don't you know who he is?" Kiba commented, coming up behind him. Naruto glanced at him and shrugged. 

 

"He's my friend. I don't care about the whole yakuza thing," he answered blandly. "Hey hey, you still owe me lunch," 

 

The next day, Shikamaru didn't show up to class until just as the bell rang. He was disheveled and a lot more annoyed than usual, and glowered at Naruto from the front of the room as he walked to his seat. Naruto, for once, didn't bother him and leaned over to bug Sasuke. Gaara watched this exchanged with a blank expression. Shikamaru did his best to avoid the man entirely now, afraid that the more he saw him the more he would notice. He even went so far as to join the track team, so he'd have an excuse to stay later and be away from the main campus until first period. He filled his schedule entirely, when he wasn't running he was lifting weights at the gym near his house. When he couldn't do either of those he was studying books. He went through them like water, and had already memorized the textbook all the way through the next semester and had started on the book for next year. His parents had no idea what to make of it, but they didn't push the subject. The only one to ask him about it was his homeroom teacher, Asuma. 

 

"You've changed," He leaned forward to move his knight up three squares. Shikamaru smiled slightly. 

 

"Check mate, Sensei," He moved his bishop and knocked over the king, then glanced up into the knowing stare of his teacher. 

 

"What is it?" 

 

Shikamaru stared at him for a moment, then began to fix the pieces. They both knew he knew exactly what he was asking so there was no point in pretending not to. Why was he so motivated, so suddenly? He'd known Asuma for years, and the man had been trying to get him to study harder ever since they'd met. Suddenly, literally out of the blue he'd flipped like a switch and was studying more than he had in his entire life. Asuma might not understand exactly why he was running from his feelings... He probably wouldn't get why Gaara affected him so much--he didn't get it himself. But he was obviously worried. What would be the harm in telling him something? 

 

"I'm dealing with unrequited feelings. I'd prefer they stay...unknown...for the sake of everyone involved," He answered finally. Asuma sat back in his seat and nodded slowly. 

 

"I see. Running from your feelings..." He shook his head in disapproval. "That never helps the situation, you know," He warned. Shikamaru just laughed softly and began another game. 

 

"I wish I could explain, but I can't....I can't go into detail," 

 

"Well...You know where to find me if you need someone to talk to about it," he offered a smile, which Shikamaru returned. 

 

"Thanks. I'll remember that," He turned his attention back to the chess board and the subject dropped. 

 

The weeks passed like this, Shikamaru piling more and more onto his schedule to drown out the ever growing feeling in his chest. Gaara watched him from afar, slowly putting the pieces together and growing more and more annoyed at what he found. He had begun to wonder about the man. He'd always pegged him as the bored, lazy, thoughtless jerk that his sister had a fling with for a few months. But if that's all he was, why was he now the highest ranking student in school? Why was he halfway through a textbook years more advanced than the one they were using? He was steadily improving in everything he did—even out of school, the weightlifting, he could now bench twice what it had been when he'd started watching the man a few weeks ago. Where had this useless person gotten so much motivation? 

 

Gaara watched him one Saturday as he sat on a park bench with a man he'd never seen him with before. The man passed him a small baggie and Shikamaru stared down at it for a moment before shoving it in his pocket. 

 

A wad of bills exchanged hands and suddenly Gaara felt sick. 

 

Anger bubbled to the surface and before he knew it he was standing in front of them with his knife in his hand. He pointed it into the face of the dealer and glared down at him. Of course the guy knew who he was—everyone who was anyone knew of him. Everyone who wasn't an idiot knew not to fuck with him, so when the man stuttered out the question of what he did wrong, Gaara knew by the fear in his eyes that his answer would be followed to the letter with no hesitation. 

 

"If I see you selling this shit to anyone ever again I'll have you buried with it. Give him back his money and get the fuck out of here before I slit your throat," He narrowed his eyes slightly. The man nodded and scampered away, and Gaara turned to glare down at him. He held one expectant hand out and after a moment he dropped a baggie of brownish powder in it. Gaara stuffed it in his pocket and gestured at him with his knife before putting it away. 

 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! You want to ruin your life? You want to die that bad? Don't waste your time and money on this shit, just tell me and I'll fucking kill you myself! I don't care what your motivation is, this shit is toxic and I won't have Naruto whining at me about it when he finds out," He stopped short to take a deep breath and turned away. "...you're worth more than this, Shikamaru. I'd hate to see someone like you ruined by this," His voice softened drastically and took on a very sad quality. He glanced at Shikamaru again, eyes still sharp and very angry. "Don't be late for class again," he added. With that he was gone, just as fast as he'd appeared. He stared after him with the look of one who'd just seen a god. 

 

"He...he said my name," 

 

He hadn't even decided on whether or not he'd actually take the drug... Someone had told him that it'd help loosen him up. Fog his mind up so he could relax. The thought of being able to sleep without that face staring at him was just too tempting to pass up. But now? Now those angry eyes were burned into the back of his head and no matter what he did he knew they'd stay there. He'd disappointed Gaara without even meaning to. Without even realizing he'd been there. Obviously he'd had a bad experience with the drug. He sat there for a long time, running the moment over and over again in his mind. Now he wasn't just the worthless shit that his sister had left, he was also the fucking druggie. He groaned and dropped his head in his hands. Maybe a run would do him good. He put in his headphones and rolled up his sleeves. 

 

The next day, Shikamaru got to class two minutes earlier than he usually did. Gaara's voice rang in his head telling him "don't be late" so how could he not? He filled the time with reading his language books. He was learning French now. Iruka let him do what he wanted—what would be the point of bothering him when he already got perfect grades along with his extracurricular activities? He floated through his day, still distracted despite everything. He stayed late after class to talk to Iruka about borrowing some of his personal books, and so happened to see Gaara leave before him, walking with Naruto. 

 

"That boy," Iruka groaned. "He keeps leaving trash on his desk," Shikamaru looked up to see what he meant and saw a half empty can of soda on Naruto's desk. He raised his eyebrows. That wasn't Naruto's, that was.... 

 

"I'll get it, sir," He picked the soda can up and stared down at it for a moment. "I'll bring your book back tomorrow. No damage, I promise," He smiled a very shallow, false smile that made Iruka more worried than anything. Still he just nodded and watched him go. Shikamaru walked slowly--he kept looking down at the can in his hand. When he got to the end of the hall he walked slowly outside and leaned against the wall. This was just sad, wasn't it? 

 

"Man have I hit bottom or what?" He mumbled to himself and slowly put the can to his lips. Unbeknownst to him someone was watching—green eyes sharp and curious, and now slightly confused by this action. 

 

This wasn't the last time something like this happened, either. He took to lingering after Gaara. He took his chair when he left the library, picked up abandoned soda cans, even empty ones, and even went so far as to take the gym towel he'd left in his locker after the semester health exam. 

Gaara saw most of this, if not all of it. His confusion built—had he not given the man enough opportunities to talk to him? Why was he hiding like this? Gaara wondered how long it would take him to confront what was obviously the feelings Naruto had told him about. He himself had long stopped caring about the fact that his sister had a past with him--Temari no longer cared about him. He'd even bothered to ask her, much to her confusion. 

 

"Maybe I should talk to him again..." he puffed on his cigarette after school. Surely the man would be smart enough to realize his chance and take it.


	3. Uncovering Anxiety

Gaara went to school annoyed, or at least moreso than usual. He'd spent too long just watching shikamaru. Long enough to understand exactly what Naruto had meant when he'd spoken to him some weeks ago. Shikamaru was, for some strange reason, enraptured by him. He remembered a week ago, the first time he'd seen the man had picked up one of his half finished sodas. He'd thought it had been a mistake. After all he had left it sitting on Narutos desk. But then it happened again.  
And again.  
...and again. 

This morning his usual sour temperment had deepened to inexplicable anger, and the closest outlet to the top of his mind was Shikamaru. That and he was tired of waiting. He strolled into the classroom two minutes before the bell. His seat at the front of the class was still empty. He frowned. Fine. You want to play? He stopped short at Shikamaru's desk and dropped his backpack on the ground with a loud thud. There was a surprised silence, followed by chattering confused voices wondering what was going on.

"Hey Gaachan, what are you doing in shikamaru's seat?" Naruto leaned forward to whisper in his ear.

"Mind your own fucking business, Uzumaki," he snapped. Naruto sat back in his seat and just blinked at him. Sure, he had a sharp tongue especially at school. But never this sharp--not to him.

Shikamaru came in just in time for the bell and for a moment he stared blankly at Gaara, who stared right back, smirking slightly. The room went silent and even Iruka sensei wondered what was happening. 

Before Iruka could ask him to sit he walked by him with barely a passing glance to go sit in the only empty seat left--Gaara's own. 

The classroom was thick with tension that day. Even Naruto was quieter than usual. Shikamaru kept his head down, ignoring the glances and seeming not to notice. He buzzed through his french text with frightening speed, pulling out a thicker, more convoluted text that had to be at least 100 years old. Naruto cast him a long, worried look. 

When class was over, the room emptied slower than usual. People looked between Gaara, who lingered in his seat with sharp anger in his usually cold eyes. Shikamaru waited for him to leave for a time but eventually he had to accept that the man was waiting for him to pass. His hands tightened around the book as he slowly made his way passed Gaara. He avoided his gaze and quickly walked passed him. Or he tried to... a hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. Shikamaru looked down at his hand, then the arm that was holding him. His eyes glued to the tattoo peaking out of the uniform's pushed up sleeve. 

"You gonna avoid me forever?" He looked up into his eyes and his stomach dropped into his shoes. Naruto had told him... Gaara tightened his grip on his wrist until it hurt and he panicked and yanked his hand away. 

"Sorry. I didn't mean to bother you," he mumbled and darted away. Naruto had told him... Gaara watched him go and after a moment looked down at his hand. He hadn't meant to let him go so easily. Had Shikamaru always been so strong? 

"What was that about?" Iruka asked, confused by this interaction and slightly worried about an oncoming fight. Gaara didn't even look at him. He wondered if it had been the tattoo that had bothered him..

"Nothing important, Sensei. I'm gonna be late for english if I don't go now," he left, passed his classroom and went straight out to the parking lot. Brown eyes followed him as he slammed the helmet on his head and revved the engine, then sped out of the parking lot. 

The next day Shikamaru got to class early. He usually lingered in the shower and locker room to avoid seeing him, and he ran fast enough to get there in time. It wouldn't be a problem. So when Gaara got to class he found Shikamaru sitting at his desk nose deep in volume six of some french novel. Still annoyed at how distant he was, Gaara stopped short in front of his desk and stared down at him for a moment. Shikamaru visibly froze and glared harder at his book with extreme concentration.  
Instead of speaking, Gaara set his coffee down on the corner of his desk and went to his own seat. Shikamaru only looked up when he had passed, then stared down at the cup. The challenge was clear. He knows what I've been doing... just how much has he been watching? Usually it wasn't all that difficult for him to find a solution but this time he was drawing a blank. 

His hand closed on the cup as the lecture began. For a while he scribbled notes and watched the teacher speak. Time passed; before he realized what he was doing he brought the coffee up to his lips and took a sip.  
Oh.  
As soon as the lukewarm liquid touched his lips he realized he'd been trying not to do that and nearly dropped it. He set it back down and glanced back at Gaara. He licked his lips nervously. He met sharp, knowing green eyes and looked away immediately. Unable to take back his reaction to the cup or the subtle blush betraying it, Shikamatu turned back to scribbling his notes faster than he had before. Despite his anxiety, he still finished the coffee...

Gaara was going to try to talk to him again but he shot out of the classroom as soon as the bell rang. He frowned in annoyance. Oh well. He'd have to show up again eventually. When he left his temper was burning slightly hotter than usual.  
Days passed with Shikamaru avoiding Gaara with calculated precision. It no longer phased him when Gaara took his seat--in fact, he was able to get by without even coming close to him. He was quicker than he'd thought, and so even trying to block his way didnt work because the man got to the door first despite being literally on the other side of the classroom. 

Shikamaru himself was so mortified at himself that he had no idea how to process it. He couldn't look at him, couldn't meet his gaze, and certainly couldn't speak to him. He knew he was running from the situation but he couldnt help it. Even if he got over the shameful idea of being in love with another man, it had to be that one, of all fucking people. His ex girlfriend's brother. Probably the most intimidating man in existence, aside from the elder Uchiha (who thankfully he didn't meet often).

His worry must have been obvious because when he met Asuma again for a game of chess that friday he asked him about it. 

"You won't tell me what's bothering you?" 

Shikamaru looked up and sighed. He wondered if Asuma would think of him differently if he knew... his head was aching from everything he'd crammed in it to try to run from this and it still wasn't working. Something had to give. 

"It's Gaara," he said quietly. The name rolled of his tongue like pure heaven. Asuma raised his eyebrows and ashed the cigarette in his mouth. 

"Pardon? Did you get in a fight with...?" 

Instead of answering he looked up, letting the anguish and fear and longing leak into his expression past his usual scowl. "I....No, sensei, it's just...I...." He trailed off and sighed forlornly. After a moment or two recognition dawned on his teacher's face and he just grunted. 

"...Ooooh... oh, I see..." 

Shikamaru sat back in his chair and moved a piece on the board. "Check... Now you see why it's so bothersome? Gaara.... He's a scary guy. And He's Temari's brother..." he trailed off and dropped his head in his hands as his teacher moved to capture his bishop. "...am I pathetic, Asuma Sensei? Am i not worthy of being a man? Liking...another guy....that's wrong, isn't it?" He was afraid to look up and see his expression. With a shakey hand he reached to knock over his own king, unable to concentrate even on chess. A hand dropped on his shoulder and he looked up, surprised, to see him smiling. 

"A man is more than just that. You shouldn't run from it though. You should face your feelings..." he smiled slightly. "I'm proud of who youve made yourself into. You've been working hard, Shikamaru. I'm just sorry that it had to come at such an unhappy price," he smiled and put out his cigarette. After a moment, Shikamaru wiped his face with both hands and sighed. 

"...thanks, Asuma sensei..." he said quietly. "I... im gonna go home," 

"Alright, son. You know where I am if you need me," he began putting the chess board right and with that Shikamaru slung his backpack over his shoulder and left.


	4. Field Day Fiasco

Shikamaru woke up that morning with the full intention of telling Gaara the truth...or, well, as much of it as he could actually get out. He'd been thinking of it the entire weekend so as he came upon the school early morning with his duffel bag slung over his shoulder he was as ready as he could be to confront his feelings. Well, he thought he was anyway. But as he came out onto the empty field in his track uniform (Shorts and a thin T-shirt) he was definitely not ready to see Gaara sitting by the fence smoking. He stopped short when he noticed him, eyes wide. 

"Shikamaru," Gaara stood, flicking his cigarette away. 

"I, uh..." His mind buzzed at light speed, bringing up random tidbits of information to plug up the feeling welling up in his chest and only succeeding in making it worse. 

"Gaara, I... I'm sorry, I--" He took another step back and Gaara advanced threateningly. 

In the distance, Konohamaru came up to the field. He wasn't technically enrolled yet, but since his grandfather was principal he was sure he would be. He liked watching the track team practice. He was surprised to see people there this early. By the looks of them... One of them was obviously Gaara, the yakuza guy with the tattoo on his face. And the other one... He wasn't sure yet but he pulled out his phone to record what he figured would be a fight and crept forward slowly. 

"Oh! It's that nerd boy, Nara Shikamaru. The one who's always studying," He realized. Gaara was getting in his face and he had to wonder what the hell the man had done. He slipped under the bleachers and slowly moved to get into hearing range. 

"...gonna run away again? If you try it I'll bust your teeth out the back of your fucking skull," Shikamaru took another step back and looked down. 

"I...I was actually....really meaning to talk to you...eventually... I didn't think you'd be waiting for me here," 

"I'm tired of fucking around. If you got something to say, I'm right here," He ordered. "Now or never," 

"You don't want to hear what I have to say, Gaara. Trust me. It's... sick. Pathetic. You'll hate me or something," Gaara groaned and rolled his eyes. 

"Oh, shut the hell up. You're too smart for that self-pity shit. Just say it, so we can move on with our lives. I'm tired of waiting," 

"I'm sorry," Shikamaru looked down at his shoes, and nearby Konohamaru had finally gotten within hearing distance and pressed the record button. Gaara made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat and turned away. 

"Shit, I guess you really are a coward," 

"I love you," 

The words came out in a choked, annoyed sort of tone similar to the way one would say something like 'my car's broken down again', punctuated by the heavy scowl on his face. "Does that make me a coward? I didn't want to bother you with it. I certainly didn't want anyone to know but no matter what I do I can't fucking..." He trailed off and abruptly crouched, rubbing his face. "No matter how much I study, what I read, what I memorize to fill my thoughts up and occupy myself with something else, anything else, I can't stop seeing your face when I close my eyes. I can't stop thinking about you. And I've tried! God, I've tried..." he rubbed the bridge of his nose and groaned softly. " ...no matter how hard I run I can't make it stop. I'm fluent in like five languages now and the sound of you saying my name is more beautiful than any word i've learned," His voice gradually quickened and he abruptly stood. Gaara was silent, an amazed look on his face as he picked at the bottom hem of his shirt. 

"You want me to talk to you? Fine. I'll talk. The things I could tell you about yourself would make your head spin," He stepped closer threateningly. "I could tell you the number of breaths you take each minute when you're angry at someone, or when you're trying not to fall asleep, or when you've missed breakfast because you woke up too late, or when you have fallen asleep. I can tell you about how many times you look out the window during class because you're bored, and why it is that you always make sure to take the window seat on a bus," by now he'd come face to face with Gaara, dangerously close. Neither of them was willing to back down. "...I could tell you that you always check the doors and windows of every room you enter, unconsciously, like a soldier or someone who's been hunted. Or that you always pick at the hem of your uniform when you're nervous or confused. That you rev the engine of your bike before you drive off when you're cutting class. That you always walk slightly behind your siblings and slightly in front of everyone else, besides Naruto who it seems is the only person you tolerate for any good length of time except for your siblings. I could tell you that you always touch the door frame when you enter a room, with your left hand just above shoulder level, and that you always tie your shoes the same way every morning, but you never take them off without untying them," His scowl loosened slightly and somewhere along the line he'd gained a vaguely horrified look. Now that it had started he couldn't stop talking. 

"Do you want me to stop? Have I scared you off yet? Don't ask me to tell you what's on my mind, Gaara, because there's too much of it to explain. It's always going, every second of every day it just goes and goes a thousand miles a minute and I'm fucking drowning in it. I used to be able to turn it off but now I'm just stuck on you. No matter how many books I memorize at the very top of everything is you, and despite the fact I know that you'd hate it, because I've seen how much you hate people touching you, I still want to reach out and try," He raised one hand as if to touch him and then Gaara did take a step back, away from his hand. 

"How do you know all of that?" Gaara asked softly, obviously overwhelmed. He shook his head in answer and turned away, towards where Konohamaru was hiding with the camera (that zoomed in on his face). 

"I don't know. I mean... yeah, I pay attention to you more than I do most people but it's not like I like....stalk you. My head just....picks it up. Organizes it. It's strange..." He trailed off for a moment to look at him, studying his face. His expression softened and he smiled. "...You know, I can tell you the chemical makeup of the different types of stars. I can draw you a map of the most commonly known constellations by memory. I can calculate how many seconds are left in a day without wasting more than ten. Hell, If you give me all the tools and materials I can even build a fully accurate working scale model of a rocket less than half a foot tall in less than half an hour. I can't help but look up when you come into a room and... I can't stop hoping that one day you'll actually look at me like i'm looking at you right now..." 

Gaara took a step back, and another. Shikamaru turned to look at him with pure, unveiled adoration. He shook his head slowly. 

"I.... I have to go," He was suddenly more self conscious than he'd ever been in his life. He'd suspected that Shikamaru liked him because Naruto had said so, albeit indirectly, but he definitely hadn't expected such raw honesty. Nobody had ever looked at him with eyes like that, and he didn't know how to handle it. He stalked off, lighting another cigarette with a slightly shaking hand. It wasn't until he was already roaring down the highway on his bike that he realized that it was him running now. 

Shikamaru watched him go and, after he had left the field he sighed and rubbed his face. He picked up the cigarette butt Gaara had discarded, shoving it in his pocket as he began his laps. Konohamaru ended the video when Gaara left, not sure what to think himself. He'd hoped he would get a fight but instead he got a love confession? Boring. Maybe he'd post it anyway, just for kicks. It's not like anybody would be interested. 

Shikamaru got to his classes just in time, as usual, and missed the stares he was getting throughout the day until homeroom he was pulled outside.  
"Is something wrong, sensei?" He was worried, because Asuma had never pulled him outside before. His teacher studied him, worried, and to his surprise he pulled out his phone. 

"Here, I thought you'd want to see this before someone else showed you..." He said quietly. After a few seconds, he played a video. "I happen to follow that kid Konohamaru's blog, because he has a tendency to find fights before anyone else, and this morning, well..." Shikamaru looked on with growing horror as the scene unfolded. It was of him and Gaara, out on the track field. He flushed with shame. What other annoyances would he bring to Gaara? 

"I won't bother you with the comments the video is getting but..." 

"It's fine, sensei, I don't care what anyone thinks of me anymore," he said quietly. "I just... feel bad for embarrassing him. He had to hear me say all that once, now he has to hear it all around..." He took a step back. "If that's it, can I go back to class? There's a test today," he looked dim, like a shadow. Asuma was worried—but what could he say? He patted Shikamaru on the back and put his phone away. 

"Yeah, of course," 

Shikamaru reentered the classroom and finally noticed the looks. He didn't care. His mind flashed with the expression on Gaara's face as he'd left him behind. It had sunk a heavy ball of iron into his stomach that weighed him down. Nothing else seemed important... 

Gaara didn't show up for school the rest of the day. 

Temari accosted Shikamaru after school, angry. 

"What the fuck was that about, Nara?" She demanded. He looked up and, when he saw who it was, closed his book. 

"You trying to fuck with my baby brother? He's not stupid, he won't fall for such a pathetic--" she began, getting right in his face. He didn't even flinch or move back, only sighed and looked down. 

"It wasn't a joke Temari," He informed her in a bland monotone, "I didn't even know I was being filmed. When you see him, tell him i'm sorry it got out? Hearing that shit from another guy just once is bad enough, but having it go viral..." He shook his head slowly and stood. "I have to go turn in my library books, so... Please just hit me already. It closes in ten minutes and I don't want to be late," he looked up to meet her eyes and she was struck by how empty they were. Even back when they'd been dating he'd never seemed empty. Bored, usually. Annoyed, often. but empty and lifeless? Never. 

"Uh... no.... no, i'm not gonna hit you," She watched him go and was surprised to find that she was actually worried about him. Maybe he really had meant it. Shikamaru, in love with her little brother? What a strange world. She wasn't even sure if she should be angry or not.

Shikamaru was in a fog the rest of the day, as he always was. He was home before he knew it and immediately was faced with the familiar sight of his father sitting on the porch smoking. Shikaku called out to him as he turned into the drive. 

"Son," 

He meandered up to the porch, listless. "Hn?" 

"Shikamaru I need to talk to you. Sit down," he gestured towards the step beside him. 

"Hnn. Yeah.. What is it, dad?" His voice was hoarse as if he hadn't spoken in ages, barely above a whisper as he sat beside him. "I have homework,"  
For a moment his father was silent. This is how it always went—He knew his dad would talk when it suited him.

"So... someone sent me a video," He began, not even glancing at him as he exhaled a cloud of smoke. "I was curious as to what you'd have to say about it," he glanced at him then and frowned slightly at the blank, emotionless look on his face. The silence stretched on between them until Shikaku was almost sure his son had decided not to open up. He wasn't one to push it. 

"I didn't know someone was recording me, or I wouldn't have spoken so honestly," He set his book down beside him. "I feel bad that I bothered him. He likes to keep to himself, and now..." He gestured vaguely. "I shouldn't have told him," Shikamaru stared down at his hands for a moment, guiltily, until the heavy weight of his father's hand fell onto the top of his head for the first time in ages. Tears sprung into the corners of his eyes unprompted. 

"I'm... Dad, am I worthless?" His voice cracked and he scrubbed his face in his hands. "I really do love him. Another guy. Isn't that just disgusting? Isn't it--" He cut himself off and took a long shaky breath. Shikaku took a long drag of his cigarette and let out a thick cloud in a sigh. 

"Well, I always thought you'd end up like me. You know, a strong wife, a house, a son of your own..." He looked down at his cigarette, mostly spent, and used it to light another before putting it out. "...But... if that's not what you want, that's fine. It's your life, son. I just want you to be happy," He leaned over to wrap an arm around his shoulder. "You're not worthless. You never were. And I don't know who this Gaara kid is, but he'd be lucky to have someone like you," Shikamaru sniffed and stared up at him, almost not believing what he was hearing. His father had seemed to be stoic, and the last thing he had expected was such easy, boundless support. He feell like a child into the warm comfortable embrace of his father. A single tear leaked from the corner of his eyes, but that did little to make the heavy weight on his chest vanish. Still, he didn't feel like he was going to be crushed anymore.  
For the first time in years Shikaku held his son, blowing smoke out over the yard and listening to the sounds of the city instead of the shaky breath of his son. Eventually Shikamaru groaned and sat up. 

"I'm gonna go do my homework..." He muttered. 

"Take care of yourself, son. Nobody on this earth can do what you can," Shikamaru tilted his head slightly and smiled at this. His father didn't usually say much, but what he did say always made sense.


	5. Too Much Too Soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Hi, beautiful and fantastic people. Hope you're doing not too shabby today._   
>  _This chapter's got some french dialogue in it. I, however, don't know french so if you do and I got it wrong, pretty please tell me what's correct?? Translation sites leave somethin' ta be desired that's for sure._   
> 

Gaara leaned against his bike and stared out into the early morning sky, ashing his cigarette. He'd cut class yesterday, overwhelmed enough to get himself into a few fights. Shikamaru's face was somehow burned into his mind. Those eyes, full of what could only be called love... Love for him, completely without restraint or expectation. But why? Why him? He'd gotten the tattoo on his face the day he realized nobody would love him but himself. Being faced with such a pure and obvious denial of that left him confused--he had no idea how to process it. He hadn't talked to Shikamaru since that morning, or even seen him, so when he strolled into class and found the man sitting at his desk buried in a book on quantum mechanics or something, his mind immediately flashed the image of that expression on his face. He swallowed and looked away, quickly going to his seat. 

The air around them was thick and awkward, mostly because people kept giving them looks, and leaning in to whisper. About halfway through class, on one of their short breaks, someone thought it would be funny to lean across the aisle to call out to Shikamaru in French. Gaara tried to ignore him but had been caught off guard by the fact that the man replied in perfect french without even looking up. 

_"N'as-tu pas de meilleures choses à faire que de me déranger? si vous n'étudiez pas, vous échouerez le test le vendredi,"_

"Woah, dude what did he say?" someone asked. The boy who'd first spoken just shook his head. 

"I dunno, something about friday... he said it too fast I don't know french that well," He admitted. 

"I said 'don't you have better things to do than bother me? If you don't study you'll fail the test on friday'," Shikamaru said in a dull, empty voice. He turned to give them a blank unblinking stare until they looked back down.

"Uh, yeah, sorry," 

Gaara watched this with vague interest and, to his confusion, disappointment. The Shikamaru of today was drastically different than the one he'd seen yesterday morning... Had he really meant all of that? He couldn't help but wonder if it had been a joke. Gaara stared out the window and caught himself picking at the hem of his uniform. It was becoming harder and harder to ignore that he'd been right about everything he had said. By the end of the day he was still just as confused as he'd been before, if not more so because of Shikamaru's subdued attitude. He walked through his classes like a ghost. They had last period together again, and somehow Gaara couldn't handle being in the same room as him again. He walked out to the parking lot and pulled the helmet on, revving the engine. 

"He really was right, huh," 

He turned to stare in amazement at a slightly familiar, very large man who was eating a bag of chips. Ah, this is Choji. Shikamaru's best friend. 

"What do you want?" The question came out angrier than he'd meant it to, but Choji didn't look even slightly fazed.

"Shikamaru's been my best friend since we were kids. I figured you wouldn't understand him so I just want to tell you some stuff, even if you're supposed to be dangerous or whatever," He gestured to the bike. "But only if you're interested in listening. If you're going to listen, I won't shout," 

Gaara hesitated. He didn't particularly want to talk to people, and he was trying not to think about Shikamaru, but... He turned off his bike and took off his helmet. 

"Fine," He leaned against his bike and lit another cigarette. "What is it?" 

"Shikamaru...I never seen him look like that before. I've known him since we were like six. He's..." Choji paused to finish his chips and open another bag. "...I didn't know he was gay or whatever, but I can tell he's serious. Betcha think It's a joke or something, right? That's what people say," He paused to eat another handful of chips. "...He isn't the type to joke around with love, it would be too much of a bother. He's probably been avoiding it for ages now, and now that he's managed to tell you he'll stay how he is right now until he gets closure..." Choji narrowed his eyes slightly and his voice took on the tone that a teacher would use to lecture a particularly stubborn student. "He's a good guy. I dunno you, but I do know that he'd try his best to make you happy. Not that I think you deserve it after what you did. Don't just turn him down because he's a dude, okay? You won't regret giving him a chance. He's not shallow like a lot of these people, and if he's actually managed to put his heart out there and stop being so lazy..." Choji frowned into his bag and took out another chip. "I dunno, that part isn't my business unless he talks to me. All I'm saying is I've never seen him work so hard for anything in my life. So don't go brushing off what he says like it's nothing, because it definitely took him a lot to confess to you like that," Choji pointed at him with a chip to punctuate this, then ate it. "...Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. I was going to punch you too for hurting my friend but Shikamaru wouldn't approve. And I'm also late for class so I gotta go. You should go too," with that, he turned and left. Gaara sighed deeply and put on his helmet again as he went back to his bike. He had a lot to think about... 

The next day, Shikamaru got to class earlier than usual. Gaara was already there, sitting in the back with one earbud in. Shikamaru's resigned from the track team about ten minutes into the meet he'd been asked for the fifth time if he was really gay, and then told that someone like Gaara wasn't to be messed with and he would get what was coming to him for trying to play a joke like that. The coach had been sad to see him go, but understanding. 

Across the room he heard a group talking about him, laughing. He paid them no mind. Naruto however was annoyed. 

"Leave him alone," he turned around in his seat to glare at them. One of them, an athletic boy named Kaito, laughed. 

"What, you don't want us to tease your boyfriend?" He mocked. Naruto turned fully in his seat to glower at him. 

"No i'm dating a different guy, Shikamaru is a friend. And if you don't leave him alone I'll kick your ass," he stood. "Why you gotta be an asshole? He didn't do anything to you," 

They laughed loudly. "He's a freak. Guys aren't supposed to date guys, that's unnatural and disgusting," Naruto glanced at his friend, who was still reading as if he hadn't heard. 

"There's nothing wrong with a guy liking guys," he said defensively. 

"Ohhh, so you're a fag too," kaito laughed. Suddenly Neji stood up behind them and smacked him hard enough for the thud to sound over the low buzz of conversation and draw eyes from all over the room as he moved to stand with Naruto, eyes full of condescending disgust. 

"Feeling a little insecure about your own private urges, Kaito?" He asked softly. There was a pause. Neji looked at Naruto, who just looked surprised, and then leaned in to kiss him sweetly. 

"Woah, shit," kaito blushed and looked away, and with that the attention of the crowd shifted targets. Shikamaru had finally looked up at Naruto, who was flushed red and looked rather dazed. 

"Ah, i figured it was you," he said quietly. Neji smirked. 

"Yes. I was afraid of..." he gestured vaguely over his shoulder. "...that...but I wanted to thank you. I'd never have had the courage to stop caring so much what people think if you hadn't done what you did. I'm sorry about how it played out," put his arm around Naruto, who leaned into him. 

"It's fine, I don't care about people like that. I'm more sorry to have bothered him..." he trailed off and for a second the vast emptiness in his eyes peaked into sadness before vanishing. "...he deserves to be happy, and now he cant walk into a room without someone whispering about him..." 

"I'll talk to him again for you as soon as class is over okay, Shikachan?" Naruto said quietly. He just shook his head, not even invested enough in what was going on around him to care about the annoyingly childish nickname. 

"Please don't bug him. Just let him forget about me... this'll all blow over soon, and he can move on..." he spoke in a barely audible voice as he opened his book again and stared down at the pages. "...don't worry about me, Naruto. It doesn't hurt at all anymore," Neji and Naruto exchanged a look, now extremely worried. He was so....so empty. Blank, like a sheet of paper that had been left out in the rain so the words had washed away. Naruto wondered if part of who he was as a person had been locked away when he suppressed his pain. He automatically looked towards Gaara, locking eyes with him. 

Gaara himself couldn't hear what they were saying. He only saw the lifeless expression on Shikamaru's face. His heart felt heavy, constricting his breathing. When Naruto looked up he was met by liquid blue eyes full of worry. He looked down at his phone, telling himself it wasn't because he couldn't take that look on his friend's face. 

He drowned himself in music, booming with heavy base. The rest of the period flooded by in a blur, and when the school bell rang Gaara waited patiently for Shikamaru to leave first before leaving, watching his slow movements with concern. 

Temari and Kankuro were waiting for him by his motorcycle. 

"Little brother, come eat with us we're going out for pizza," Kankuro leaned out of the drivers side of his car. Temari got out and went around to hug him, but seemed to think better of it and just stood there. 

"I don't feel like it," 

"Aw, please? I wanna get plastered with someone and Kankuro is no fun," Temari grinned wickedly. Gaara studied his sister. Should he bother? Well, at the very least it was something to do besides brood over Shikamaru and beat the shit out of people. 

"...okay. I want to leave my bike at home though. I'll call you," he put on his helmet and drove off without preamble. Temari got back in the car and listened to the rumble off his engine die off in the distance. 

"Is he okay?" Kankuro studied her face as if for an answer but she just slowly shook her head. 

"I can't tell. I don't know how shikamaru could read him so easily... I've known him pretty much his entire life but frankly he's an island of his own," 

Later that evening found Temari and Gaara in her living room, very drunk. Gaara was just as emotionless as before, except his eyes. Temari had shed her over-shirt and was making a pyramid out of their beer cans. 

"Good idea, ordering' in," she looked up as he poured them another round of shots. 

"I don't like people so it's better this way," they clicked their glasses together and drank. Temari sighed loudly and laid down on the table. 

"I need a boyfriend. I'm tired of being alone," she commented. "Maybe I was too picky with Shikamaru, he's a good person," she was mostly just thinking out loud but still Gaara swallowed and shifted uncomfortably. He picked at the hem of his shirt and, after realizing what he was doing he pulled it off. 

"Oh, sorry Gaara... i didn't mean to bother you," she looked up and grinned again. 

"Ah, 's fine, i don't mind," 

She obviously took this as an invitation to continue because she cracked open a beer, handed one to Gaara, and continued. 

"...you wanna know why i left him? He didn't do anything wrong," she took a long draft of her beer and wiped her face, not waiting for him to answer. "He didn't kiss me right. There wasn't any, like, spark," she shrugged. "But nooow.... i'm alone. Maybe I should have stuck it out..." she trailed off and laid her head down on the table. "...tell ya what though...he never looked at me like he looked at you..." the room grew silent between them as Gaara processed this, not sure how to answer. Eventually he realized she'd fallen asleep. He pulled a blanket off the couch and gently laid her there, then put it over her. 

Brown eyes flashed in his mind's eye. Eyes full of love...  
His love, and only his. The world watched and envied. Or...his sister did. She was a big part of his world, one of the three humans he cared about... 

Four. 

Brown eyes, cold and empty. Dead. 

Gaara rubbed his eyes and downed the rest of her beer before opening his own. He stumbled to the door and closed it softly behind him. Gaara walked out and sat on the poarch. He'd been sitting there only for a few minutes when Kankuro came out to sit with him on the steps. 

"You okay, Gaara?" 

He shrugged. "Yeah just wanted some air. Temari passed out," he sat beside him. 

He shook his head. "No, I mean...are you okay? With the shit that guy tried to pull," Gaara look a long draft of his drink and shrugged. 

"I don't care," 

"Well I'm sorry you had to go through that shit. I Can't imagine hearing that from another guy...disgusting..." he made a face and for some reason, listening to this he was suddenly angry. He drank the rest of his beer instead of answering. 

"...i dunno what kind of game he was trying to pull but he's lucky i didn't beat the shit out of him for it," he added. "People who play jokes like that deserve to be put in a hospital or--" he was cut off abruptly by Gaara's fist hitting his jaw. He tumbled back and nearly landed on Temari, who had just opened the door. Gaara stood, surprised, and stared down at his hands. 

"What?" he looked up with a blatantly surprised expression. 

"...what did I miss?" Temari asked, looking down at Gaara after checking to make sure Kankuro was okay. 

"I was just...talking about Shikamaru..." kankuro answered. They both looked down at him and he dropped the crushed can. 

"Gaara, what happened? What did I say?" He stood shakily and gently touched his face, hissing at the blood that came off on his fingertips. He took one step back, then another. 

"Wait, come back inside. Let's just talk about this," Temari stumbled towards him, catching herself on the edge and abruptly throwing up over the side. 

Brown eyes, full of love. A terrifying prospect for some reason.

Gaara turned and ran, heedless of the chill of the cold night air on his bare skin. He ran on, not stopping until his lungs burned. The streets were abandoned, thankfully, except for a few who were drunker than he was or too wrapped up in things to see him. 

He sat down heavily on the curb, trying to catch his breath. He'd hit his brother. 

Brown eyes, empty and lifeless... 

He dropped his head in his hands. What had it been? What had kankuro said to make him so angry? He forced his fuzzy mind to go back to that. 

"He deserves to be put in the hospital..." 

He had threatened Shikamaru...? Why would that upset him? 

"Gaara? Is that you?" 

He looked up to see Naruto and Neji hand in hand. 

"Naruto..." he gestured vaguely in greeting and Naruto moved to crouch in front of him, dragging Neji with him. 

"What're doing here? It's, like, three AM... you live on the other side of town," 

"I punched my brother," he looked up, eyes a swirl of confusion and fear. 

"What?! Why?" 

"He...said...Shikamaru deserved to be hurt," he answered. "Naruto, why would that bother me? He's not even my friend, he's your friend," Naruto exchanged a confused look with Neji, who just rolled his eyes.

"Oh for fuck's sake, this is pathetic. Grow the fuck up and go home. Put on a shirt, you goddamn criminal," Neji scowled heavily and turned away. Naruto stood and grabbed his arm. 

"Neji, He's really upset and probably drunk, why don't you be nicer--" 

_"Because I don't care!_ He's not my friend, Naruto. _Shikamaru_ is my friend and this asshole broke his heart. By rights I should beat the living shit out of him," Neji spat the word out and stared down at Gaara with mercilessly cold eyes. "I'll tolerate him because he's your friend and I like you, but don't ask me to give a shit about him. He could be on fire and I wouldn't spit on him," he turned away again, disgusted, and Naruto looked between them. 

"Neji...babe..." he tugged on his arm and Neji clicked his tongue against his teeth in annoyance. 

"Stop looking at me like that," 

Naruto gave him a pleading look, and eventually Neji sighed. 

"Jesus, fuck, fine! He can stay at my house for the night, but he's putting on a shirt first. My landlady will freak if she sees those tattoos..." 

"Yay!" Naruto pulled off his hoodie and made Gaara put it on, pulling up the hood and everything. He kept his head down as he stumbled after the couple, head twisting with confused thoughts. 

The next morning he woke up to the sound of someone making coffee. He cracked his eyes open and groaned. 

"Oh, you're up," 

He sat up and blinked sleepily at the man in the kitchen, trying to remember who he was... oh. Naruto's boyfriend. 

"Do you need to borrow a phone and call someone to get you the fuck out of my house?" He turned to look at him, eyes cold and disgusted. Gaara stood and rubbed his eyes, then turned away. Those eyes, he was used to. Anger, fear, and disgust were all normal to him. Anything else however...

"I'll just go," he shuffled to the door and sat to put his shoes on. Neji watched him go, then after a moment he followed. 

"Hey," 

He looked up, surprised, and wondered what he'd forgotten to do. 

"Talk to him," he ordered. Gaara stared at him uncomprehendingly. "Shikamaru, you idiot...tell him you don't care, that he didn't bother you, that it'll blow over and nobody really cares. Lie if you have to but tell him something, don't just leave him thinking he hurt you. He deserves better," his eyes narrowed slightly and he moved closer with the smooth grace of a lion stalking it's prey. "And another thing. A man doesn't just walk away from a confession like that. The guy fucking poured his soul out to you and all you said is "i have to go"...you're the most pathetic piece of shit I've ever had the misfortune of having to interact with," Neji thrust a travel mug of coffee at his chest. He took it after staring down at it blankly for a second. 

"Why are you--" 

"Just...just stop. Don't try to talk to me, I'm not interested in anything you have to say. Take it and get the fuck out. Give it back to Naruto with the hoodie after you wash them. He'll be sad if i just make you go with nothing, and much as i hate you for how you played the situation, I love the guy. Makes me sad to see him upset," with that he went back inside. Gaara pulled the hood over his face and left.


	6. Distant Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _so sorry about taking so long to post these last couple chapters. This one is kinda short, but the next one will be pretty long. I really hope y'all enjoy!_

"Where have you been?" Temari demanded as soon as she answered the phone. 

"I ran into Naruto and stayed at his boyfriend's house for the night. On my way home now," He answered, sitting on the bench at the park. 

"Are you okay? You just ran off, we've been worried!" Gaara sighed loudly, and shook his head. 

"I, uh... Is Kankuro...?" He trailed off, rubbing the bridge of his nose. 

"He's fine. Here, he's right here, talk to him," The phone passed between them and his brother's voice sounded in his ear. 

"Little brother. Are you alright?" 

"I'm the one who hit you, why are you asking me?" He countered, voice shaking slightly. 

"What? You're still worried about that...? Gaara..." The phone crackle with a loud sigh. " Don't worry about it. You were drunk, and I..." Temari said something behind him and he mumbled something in answer before speaking again. "...I'm sorry I upset you. Where are you, you need a ride?" 

"No. I can walk," He was still pretty unsure of why he'd hit his brother, but before he could process it he looked up and saw a slightly familiar man with long blonde hair and a red cloud pattern on his black jacket. The stranger was just lingering there, eyeing him. "...I'll call you later okay? I gotta go," He hung up his phone and dropped his hood. He didn't need to confront them because he suddenly spoke. 

"Hey it is you! From the video! You're the guy that fag confessed to!" He said. He tilted his head slightly and stood. 

"Man you should have decked him. He could have at least done a better job, That speech of his wasn't artistic at all," Gaara frowned. Through no filter of alcohol to slow his brain, he saw clear as day that it had been the threat to Shikamaru that had made him angry. Now, his blood was boiling. The stranger kept chattering on, not even noticing the threat behind his eyes as Gaara slowly advanced. He let his temper overwhelm him and his hands clenched into a fist. 

"Don't talk about him like that," His fist connected with the man's jaw with a satisfying thud. To his credit, the man reacted quickly and almost immediately moved to retaliate, but very few people were good enough in a fight to be able to even touch him and so by the time the man hit the ground, bloodied and unconscious, Gaara was still untouched except for the blood on his hands. 

"Shit I almost got Naruto's hoodie dirty..." He kicked the unconscious man and abruptly stepped over him to walk off. He went to wash his hands off in the park bathroom before putting his hood back on.

So...he cared for Shikamaru. That much was undeniable--why else would he get so blindingly angry? The question was what did it mean? He stared up at the sky and slowly walked home, pondering his newly recognized (and very confusing) feelings. 

Three hours later he still hadn't made it home. He sat at a table in the corner of a coffee shop. He just couldn't wrap his head around it no matter what he did. So he pulled out his cell phone to call someone who might be able to help him... 

"Temari? I'm at some coffee place... If you don't mind meeting me, I want to talk to you about something..." 

"Sure, just send me the address i'll be there. Kankuro just went to work so he can't come, is that ok?" 

"Yeah. I just need to talk to you. I'll send the address now,' They hung up and about twenty minutes passed before she finally arrived. 

"What's wrong, Gaara?" She sat down at his table and he slid a coffee across to her. 

"Do you remember what you told me last night? About Shikamaru?" He asked. She shook her head slowly, eyes wide. 

"I Didn't even realize I'd...mentioned him..." She admitted. There was a short pause. Gaara filled it with him sipping his coffee. 

"You told me you broke up with him because there wasn't any spark. What does that mean?" He stared at her over his cup, ever one to get right to the point. He didn't like not understanding. How better to know than to ask? Temari floundered for an answer, uncertain how to speak about the man that had been the subject of so much turmoil lately. 

"I... I didn't love him, and he didn't love me...not really. Not in the world changing sort of way that I wanted him to. He's not a bad person, and I could have been content with him... but I never would have been head over heels, you know?" She rolled the cup in her hands slowly, staring down at it instead of meeting Gaara's intense stare. 

"How do you know he didn't love you? He said he did. I remember," he looked down at his own cup, shaking slightly in his hand, and put it down. She noticed, but didn't comment. 

"Um," 

"Just tell me. Please, Temari. I won'tbe upset I just want to know," He looked up into her eyes and she was amazed to see them flash with emotion for just a second. 

"I kissed him," She admitted slowly. "You'll be able to tell. It's hard to lie about something like that... Especially with Shikamaru. He's lazy, but he's never been a liar. The only person that man can lie to is himself," Gaara nodded slowly, processing this. Kiss him, huh? Could he do such a thing? ...did he dare? 

"Gaara..." 

He looked up to meet her eyes, noticing finally that she looked extremely worried. "Yeah?" 

"Why are you asking me about him?" She leaned forward slightly. Gaara glanced over her shoulder and around them. 

"I don't know," He admitted. "I just.... I want to understand. I can't stop...thinking about him..." He trailed off, voice lessening as he spoke until it was barely audible. "He was looking at me. Like... me me... I want to...do something. I don't know what, and I don't--" He abruptly stopped and looked down at his hands, still shaking lightly. Temari looked down at them too and blinked slowly. 

"Gaara... Gaara, you should talk to him," She advised. "I don't know what else to say but if you keep on like this..." She reached for his hand and he automatically jerked it away. She sighed. 

"I don't want you to get hurt. Just promise me you won't try to run from whatever you find," 

"I won't run," he promised, remembering his annoyance at Shikamaru running. Now he finally understood why the man had done it. 

0-0-0-0-0-0-0 

Shikamaru didn't visit Asuma after classes that friday as he usually did. He didn't even think about it until the next monday when he saw him in front of the school. He couldn't even bring himself to be guilty. He didn't feel anything anymore. 

"Shikamaru. What happened friday?" 

He shrugged and stuffed his book into his backpack. "Sorry, Sensei. I forgot," Asuma sighed and took a long puff of his cigarette, frowning worriedly. 

"Are you okay, Shikamaru? You're not yourself," they locked eyes for a minute and Asuma suddenly realized how much Shikamaru had loved him. His eyes were completely lifeless. 

"I'm fine, Sensei. Do you need anything? I want to check out another book from the library," They stared at each other for a long moment before Asuma turned away. 

"Sure, that's it. I'll see you in class," 

They parted ways and Asuma watched him pass a very worried Naruto without looking up, more worried about his student than he had been before. 

That monday Gaara woke up aching. He had grazed knuckles from the fight in the park the day before. The morning was slow and crawling, and somehow he found himself at school early. 

He immediately went first to the library, browsing over the books. Shikamaru would probably be here... He looked around, almost hopefully, but didn't see him. He quickly grew tired of looking at books and left, trying to convince himself that it wasn't a mistake to try to talk to Shikamaru. He found Naruto out front with Neji, who glared openly at him for a moment before turning closer to Naruto and staring down at his phone. 

"Oh, sweet, thanks!" Naruto took the bag he offered with his customary grin. 

"Have you seen Shikamaru?" He asked softly, eyebrows furrowed slightly. Neji looked up, eyebrows raised, and nodded off towards the library. 

"Just missed him," 

"Thanks," He left, walking slowly at first but quickening his pace as soon as he was out of sight of the others. A heavy knot welled up in his chest and his sister's words from the other day echoed in his mind. 

I kissed him. You'll be able to tell... 

He turned the corner and was met with Shikamaru. He looked up and their eyes met for a moment, but Shikamaru looked away first. 

Brown eyes, guilty and then empty. 

"Sorry," Shikamaru ducked his head lower and moved around him with a speed and precision not unlike what's usually seen in professional level sports. 

"Wait, no! " Gaara spun to follow him, but he was gone. "...shit," Gaara tried to find him, but he had successfully vanished. He frowned slightly and eventually went to class. 

Shikamaru stayed off his radar until lunch time, when he spotted him sitting with Naruto and Neji. Finally. He started across the crowded room, eyes narrowing. He was no longer hesitant about this--missing his chance that morning had made him more determined. 

Shikamaru looked up as he was halfway across the room and leaned forward to say something to Naruto, who didn't look up and just reached to pull his tray closer. With that, Shikamaru quickly gathered his things and shot out of the side door. Gaara quickened his pace to follow, but yet again it seemed like he had vanished into smoke. He eventually stopped looking and sat on the curb behind the library. 

"How the fuck does he do it..." Gaara lit a cigarette, glowering out at the sky. It would be impressive if it wasn't so damn frustrating.

Shikamaru was on high alert. Seeing Gaara that morning had set off the alarm bells in his head, and for the rest of the day his eyes scanned his surroundings in search of the telltale red hair. He was seeing Gaara more and more lately. By the end of the day he wasn't sure if he would be able to make it through their shared class. 

When he got there, they locked eyes. He fell into sharp green eyes. His heart jumped into his throat. I can't. He'd come so far in letting go of his obsession. How could simple eye contact do so much...? He went straight to the teacher's desk. 

"Sir, do you mind if I leave this class early? I finished the essay already. I wanted to go meet someone about a scholarship," 

"Yeah, that's fine. The essay isn't due until friday, though," 

Shikamaru handed it in anyway and quickly left. His skin crawled under the heavy weight of Gaara's eyes. How mad was he about what had happened?? He couldn't help but be more worried. After all, why else would he be following him again? He successfully avoided him for the next three days. 

Gaara grew more and more frustrated as the days went on. Even Naruto grew worried about him, and Shikamaru grew colder and more distant.


	7. Akatatsu and Honoakuma

Asuma had been watching the situation from afar. He wasn't one to interfere with Shikamaru's life, especially seeing as the man was smart enough to know exactly what he was doing. That being said, he couldn't help being extremely worried about his student. That night he wandered the streets in a rather unsavory part of town. He was looking for something to keep his mind off of things. Something he hadn't thought of for years-- that he'd stopped doing when he'd fully committed to being a teacher. 

Cage fighting. 

It wasn't like he needed the money, but the sheer brutality of it had a calming effect that nothing else seemed to have. Surely this would be the perfect outlet to unwind. As he moved closer to the back door of the unsavory establishment he dropped his cigarette in the large stone ashtray by the door and pulled a scarf up over his face. It wouldn't do any good to be recognized... 

 

The crowd was loud and pulsing with a bloodthirsty energy. When Asuma entered the basement he automatically studied the young man in the ring. He had a red cloth tied around his head and a bare chest with a large and colourful tattoo across half his chest and back, circling around his left arm. He couldn't be sure how long it had been but the man already had blood spattered over his body and by the bloodthirsty grin on his face he showed no sign of stopping. Loud laughter echoed through the room over the sound of the crowd cheering. Four men had to pull him off of the unconscious man to keep him from beating him to death. 

 

"Reminds me of the old days," He commented under his breath, rolling the cigarette between his teeth and taking a long drag before putting it out and fixing his scarf to push through the crowd and get to the front of the line. 

 

"And Akatatsu does it again! Who's got the balls to step into the ring with this fucker?!" Screamed the Ref into the mic. There were loud cheers, some boo's, and a few people talking shit from the back. Nobody stepped forward. Asuma smirked under the scarf and stepped up to the ring. 

 

"Can I pay in?" 

 

He held up a roll of cash between two fingers. The ref took it and quickly flicked through it, then looked up at him with suspicion. He leaned forward conspiratorially. 

 

"Quarter off the top for the ref, of course. I know it's old school, but..." He raised his eyebrows slightly. "I need to relax a bit. Do an old dog a favor and make an exception..." He stepped back and gestured widely to the crowd. "...Unless somebody else is man enough to step in?" There was relative silence and the ref laughed. 

 

"Alright, fine. You're in. What's your name?" 

 

"Been a few years, but they used to call me Honoakuma," He cracked his neck and rolled his shoulders, stretching for what he knew would be a difficult fight. If this didn't get his mind off of things nothing would. He paused to let the ref open the cage door again and got in, ignoring the loud slam of and lock of the gate behind him. He had eyes only for his opponent, who was still swaying slightly where he stood. His arms hung limp by his sides and he cocked his head unnaturally to stare at him, grinning that bloodthirsty Cheshire grin. 

 

"After years off the grid, Honoakuma comes back!! Without a word, to take on The current, blood thirsty, champion, Akatatsu!!!" The ref slammed the cage shut and locked it, and Asuma cracked his neck. They circled each other, and Akatatsu smeared blood off of his hand onto his face. 

 

"Another piece of meat to grind in my teeth. I don't care, old man, you're all the same," He swayed unsteadily but Asuma saw a deadly sharp malice in his eyes. He tightened his guard and sank lower, strengthening his guard. There was no avoiding the knowledge that the man he was facing, though he was clearly very young, was quite possibly the most dangerous fighter he'd faced in over a decade.

 

"Watch yourself, kid..." He warned. Just as expected, Akatatsu struck first. He went straight for a roundhouse kick to the jaw, missing only by an inch or so because of his sharp focus. He tuned out the crowd, eyes narrowing to study him. Immediately after dodging his blow, he struck out with a closed backhanded fist more to test him than anything. It didn't even come close to connecting. They circled each other only once more before Akatatsu seemed to grow tired of waiting and the anger in his eyes brimmed over. He barreled forward with a rain of blows that Honoakuma couldn't even manage to dodge all of. He felt himself being driven back and cursed inwardly. _Oh no he wouldn't. Not some fucking kid._ He pressed down on his opponent, using the advantage of his greater height and weight to push him back. The man didn't much seem to care about getting hurt--despite the madness he radiated he seemed to be unconsciously adept at avoiding blows and getting his own in, easily as he breathed. It was almost as if he had no sense of self preservation... No sense of anything besides shedding the blood of the one he was fighting. He swung a punch that finally connected and managed to bloody his lip. By the excited roar of the crowd and Akatatsu's reaction he could tell that this didn't happen often because fury mounted in his eyes and the grin turned to a disgusted and very angry scowl. 

 

A familliar scowl... 

 

_Wait. Shit, I know this kid! That's Shikamaru's... uh, friend? How am i supposed to fight a fucking student?!_ The thought struck him like a train and suddenly, before he could avoid it, a hard left hook hit him right the face and he was down. Upon closer inspection, the eyes he was looking into belonged to none other than the Gaara that his student was trying so hard to avoid. He paid little mind to the blows hitting his face and head, struck breathless by the knowledge of what exactly he had gotten himself into. This fight should have been avoided from the start, and now he found himself in the cage with a student. It went against all of his vows as a teacher. 

 

"Shit, Gaara?" 

 

The word seemed to momentarily snap the man out of his spell and the fury drained out of him in one clear second to be replaced by surprise. 

 

"What did you call me?" 

 

Honoakuma, or Asuma, got up and turned away. "I admit defeat...you're clearly the winner," He went to the door and they unlocked it, letting him go. The ref grinned maliciously at him. 

 

"Looks like the game outgrew you, old man Honoakuma," He said mockingly. He just raised his eyebrows. 

 

"What are you talking about? I got exactly what I wanted. Little bit of exercise is good for the body," he patted the ref hard on the shoulder, making the man nervous at the strength of his hand. 

 

"Give me my winnings," Akatatsu had come up behind him and was staring at him with wide eyes in a bloodied face. "All of them, or I'll take the rest out of you in organs," He added, snatching the wad of cash out of his hand and storming off before the ref could take his promised cut. Asuma laughed inwardly and followed, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket and yanking the scarf off of his face as he left the building.

 

He found Gaara out back lighting a cigarette and siting on the curb beside his bike. He touched the bloody wound on his head and lip and smiled slightly. 

 

"Gotta light?" He moved closer and pulled down the scarf when Gaara looked up. Vague recognition crossed his face, then horror. 

 

"Shit," 

 

Asuma sat on the curb beside him to poke gently at his wounds and after a moment Gaara offered a lighter. 

 

"...You're not gonna like, expel me or something, right?" He asked softly. A sideways glance told him that Gaara was genuinely worried despite the empty tone. He shook his head. 

 

"Tell ya what, kid..." he paused to light his cigarette, "...I won't tell if you don't. Hitting a student is just as bad," he gestured pointedly to the the wound on his face. Gaara nodded and for a while they sat in silence before Asuma spoke again. 

 

"Can I ask you something?" Without looking at him Gaara grunted and muttered a yeah. "...Shikamaru.... did you give up on him?" There was a tense silence between them and Asuma felt him shift to stand. "It's not what you think. He's one of my students. If you haven't..." He paused to let out a large cloud of smoke and smiled slightly at the sudden interest that flashed over Gaara's face. "...He'll be in my classroom tomorrow after school. I know how good he is at avoiding shit if he want's to be," He finally did look at him and grinned crookedly. "Isn't my place to say, but you shouldn't push your feelings away with fighting. Take an old dog's word for it, kid, it won't help," He stood and stretched, then dabbed at his wounds with his scarf. "...Damn if you aren't a good fighter, though. You should do more with that than rot away in that damn cage," He mumbled under his breath as he walked off. 

 

Gaara thought that perhaps he should apologize or something as he watched the teacher leave, but he didn't. After all he'd gotten in that cage of his own volition and frankly he should be glad that he wasn't leaving in an ambulance or a body bag. As long as it didn't get out that he'd done that to a teacher he didn't particularly care. His mind was suddenly heavy with thoughts; the rush of the win had vanished completely and been replaced with worries about Shikamaru. He sighed and pulled the scarf off of his head and put on his jacket, then his helmet. No good would come of hanging around here. 

 

The next day Shikamaru met Asuma out front very early. He was so amazed to see his teacher dabbing at a bleeding wound on his face that he didn't even notice Gaara sitting with his siblings letting his sister slather cream on a busted lip and bruised face. 

 

"Sensei, are you okay? What happened?" He demanded. He'd never seen his teacher with even a busted lip and here he looked like he'd been dropped off of a cliff or something. Asuma looked up and smiled. 

 

"Oh, just a friendly tussle. I'll tell you about it some other time, now's not the place for it. I have to go to a meeting actually..." He poked at his swollen lip and hissed. "...I'll see you in class," They parted ways, leaving Shikamaru standing with a worried and slightly horrified look on his face. He was so worried that he didn't even see Gaara watching him until he ducked around the corner of the building. Gaara, wounded too? How?! He shook his head slowly and went to wait outside his first class to read. This was just too strange. 

 

Gaara saw this interaction between Shikamaru and his teacher and was immediately guilty about what he'd done. Asuma had brushed it off so easily but he was haunted by the worry in Shikamaru's eyes. When his sister had finally finished fussing over him he spoke. 

 

"Temari, can I have this?" He asked. "It'll help any wounds right?" He held his hand out for the jar and she screwed the lid on before handing it to him. 

 

"Of course. But once for you should be fine. Why do you need it?" 

 

He shook his head. "Uh, not for me...for a friend I guess," He muttered without thinking, forgetting how strange that would sound to someone who knew he had only one friend--A friend that almost never got wounded, and when he did he didn't seem to stay that way for long. Temari and Kankuro just let him go. Temari eyed Naruto, who was upon closer inspection not even slightly bruised.

 

Gaara meanwhile only realized that he had no idea where to find Asuma when he turned into the building. He wandered the hallways aimlessly until he found Naruto and Neji making out in the bathroom. 

 

"Naruto," 

 

He was ignored. 

 

_"Naruto._ I need to know who Shikamaru's teacher is," he said louder, walking close enough to make them stop. Neji groaned and dropped his head on his shoulder, annoyed at being interrupted. When he looked up, Naruto gasped. 

 

"Holy shit your _face_ ," Neji looked up interested and whistled. For all the fights Gaara got in, never once had he actually been hurt--not even the time just before the school year had started that he'd gotten in a fight with fifteen or so members of a local gang. It was only a split lip and a bruise over his jaw but it certainly made an impact. 

 

"I know. Who is his teacher? The big one, black spiked hair, smokes too much?" He gestured vaguely. 

 

"You mean his homeroom teacher? uh... Asuma? Hes in room 401," he answered. Gaara spun on his heel and left them. The room in question was only the next hallway down. He looked through the open door and was relieved to see it empty. If he was quick about it he could just leave it, and nobody would know he'd been there. He moved to set it on the man's desk, nearly dropping it only halfway across the room when a voice spoke from behind him. 

 

"Gaara. Can I help you?" 

 

He winced slightly and turned to see the teacher in question standing in the doorway. He shook his head. He wordlessly offered the jar. Asuma moved closer, setting down a thick package of papers before taking it. 

 

"What's this?" The lid popped loudly and he made a face at the smell. 

 

"Medicine. My sister told me it will help..." He gently touched his lip. "She's really protective of me so I don't doubt her," Asuma raised his eyebrows in surprise. He didn't know Gaara well, but everything he did know about him was completely contrary to him bothering with something like this. He honestly had no idea to react. Before he could, though, Gaara spoke again. He was staring at his face, studying him. 

 

"I wasn't going to apologize. I'm not sorry I won... You shouldn't get in the ring if you're not going to finish what you start, so you got what you deserved. Honestly you should have gotten worse. But..." He floundered and looked away, voice lowering to match his confused expression. "...I am sorry you're injured...because... well, Shikamaru is upset," 

 

This was interesting news to him. He smiled slightly and set the jar on the corner of his desk. "You don't like seeing him upset, do you," He wasn't really guessing, but Gaara nodded anyway. He nodded decisively. Yes, these two needed help. Gaara clearly had no idea what he was doing and Shikamaru had taken that to mean he didn't want to do any of it. He cared a lot for his student, but the man could be extremely bullheaded. 

 

"If it heals faster, he won't be sad anymore right?" Gaara looked up at Asuma expectantly. He smiled and then shrugged. 

 

"I'm sure that's true. He's mostly just surprised, i think this is the first time he's seen me wounded," he picked up the jar again and turned it over in his hands. "Thank you, I appreciate this. It'll definitely help," He opened the jar and began to gently dab it onto his wounds. "...Oh by the way...He usually comes by about fifteen minutes after class, so if you happen to get here first..."A hiss escaped him and made him pause before continuing. "...Ah.... I,uh...I might not be able to make it back to my room right away. I've got some... paperwork to turn in..." He trailed off and looked up at Gaara and Grinned. 

 

"Why are you helping me?" He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Asuma set the jar down to lean closer and study him. Why was he so hesitant to trust people helping him? 

 

"I'm a teacher," He said simply. "It's what we do," There was a very long pause, until Gaara finally just nodded and left. 

 

He was annoyed. Much as he didn't want to... he'd have to wait. Shikamaru was just too smart to surprise; he had to have a plan. He was determined to speak to him no matter what it took. Even if it took letting his teacher help set it up. 

 

Gaara saw him again in class. He'd gotten there early, and was sitting in his seat waiting for Shikamaru to come in... Of course he'd talk to him if he got the chance, but unfortunately when their eyes met he stopped short with the same look of a deer in the headlights. Instead of going to sit at his desk he went to Iruka and whispered something. They had a short conversation and then Shikamaru quickly left. 

 

"Fuck," gaara muttered under his breath. Shikamaru sure was good at staying hidden when he wanted to. It would be impressive if it wasn't so damn frustrating. Why was he running after what he said...? Gaara found himself fantasizing about Shikamaru for the hundredth time that day. What would it be like to.... to actually kiss him? Distracted, he poked at his bloodied lip with his tongue. Naruto and Neji flashed in his mind, practically eating each other that morning. It had to be nice to kiss people, otherwise nobody would do it. And what his sister had said... His eyes moved to Shikamaru's seat and he looked out the window. She'd said he would know what 'spark' was if it was there. He couldn't help but wonder... All of this was too new for him. He had no idea how to react--frankly it was making him angry. 

 

Shikamaru felt like he was in a fog. Moreso than usual. Between classes he stood with choji in the hallway, brooding. 

 

"I'm as surprised as you are, shikamaru. I've seen him spar with masters loads of times and he hardly ever got hit. He says he's fine though," Choji assured him. Shikamaru wasn't so sure. 

 

"Why don't you just talk to him?" Ino looked up from her phone for a moment before looking down at her phone and straightening. "I'll see you in class," He nodded and wordlessly began to gather his things as well. 

 

"...yeah. Homeroom is next period anyway," 

 

When he came in the classroom Asuma was spreading a cream on his face, looking into a handheld mirror propped up on his desk. He looked up and nodded a greeting. 

 

"Need something? Still got about three minutes," he tilted his head slightly to see in the mirror. 

 

"I want to know who did this to you," his eyes were sharp and angry. Asuma didn't glance at him as he closed the jar and snapped the mirror shut. 

 

"Now's not the time for that. I'll tell you after school, alright?" He stood to give the mirror back to Ino. 

 

"You'll tell me the truth?" 

 

"If you don't mind waiting here while I finish paperwork up I'll tell you the whole story, " he promised. Shikamaru nodded and sat in his seat, immediately pulling out a book on sign language. 

 

They both waited with mounting annoyance as the clocked crawled on. Shikamaru only half focused on the notes he was taking for class. Who could have done something like that to his sensei? To someone so strong? When the bell rang he practically ran to put his books in his locker-- getting new ones could wait. He had to know. He went straight to Asuma's classroom and ran into the man in the hallway just outside. 

 

"Ah, perfect timing. Go on and set the chess board out, I'll be right back just give me fifteen minutes," 

 

Shikamaru nodded and pushed open the half open door, dropping his bag by the door and shutting it behind him. When he look up he froze. Gaara was standing by Asuma's desk. He took one step back and his hand went to the doorknob again. 

 

"Don't go," 

 

Gaara's voice cracked with nerves. He'd been jumpy all day; it didn't help that people kept looking at him strangely and asking him what had happened to his face. Seeing Shikamaru so close again, being alone with him made his heart race, though he couldn't quite put his finger on why. 

 

"Why? I've bothered you enough," Shikamaru's voice dragged him back to the present. He crossed the room and studied his face. 

 

"We need to talk. I need to talk. I have a question," He licked his lips. Why was it so hard to talk about? Suddenly he understood what it meant when people said they had butterflies in his stomach. It was quite uncomfortable. Brown eyes watched him with new, hesitant interest. 

 

"Okay," He moved to sit down and Gaara could tell by the way he moved that he was still a tightly coiled spring, ready to act at a second's notice. "Ask," He prompted when Gaara didn't immediately speak. 

 

"I've been thinking of...of what you said," He began slowly. Guilt crossed Shikamaru's face and for the first time since he had seen it he wondered if the guilt was because he hadn't meant to say it. He swallowed. That would certainly change how this conversation went. His words caught in his throat and he second guessed himself. Was this how Shikamaru had felt out on the field? And he'd pushed it thoughtlessly, carelessly neglecting how it might feel to be pressed like that. He didn't want to do that again. He looked in his eyes again, studying him, waiting. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The least he could do was be honest. If Shikamaru could do it so could he. 

 

"I tried not to... I tried to ignore it, and that's why..." He touched his busted lip and continued before Shikamaru could ask. "…But I guess it doesn't work like that. I've been trying to talk to you for a while but you're pretty good at avoiding me. And in all that time I had I still couldn't figure out why it is that I can't stop thinking about you," Gaara sat as well and scrubbed his hands through his hair. "I even got drunk with Temari and asked her about it. You know what she said? Maybe you could explain it to me because that was like two weeks ago and it still makes no sense," He finally met Shikamaru's eyes again and studied the tentative surprise there. 

 

"What did Temari say?" 

 

"She said something about a spark. That you could tell by how somebody kissed you if they really meant it or not," He licked his lips again and his eyes darted to Shikamaru's mouth and back up to his eyes. "...What's a spark? Does it hurt? Is it like bleeding because I know what that's like now," There was a long pause in which Shikamaru's brain whirled with these words and all their possible meanings. He couldn't fathom why he would ask something like that unless... 

 

"You shouldn't make fun of people like this. It's not funny," He said finally, and stood. Of all people he hadn't expected Gaara to go that far. Sure, Naruto and Neji had accepted him. but that was different. Before Gaara could deny it he stood and crossed to the door. He tried to push it open but found it blocked. 

 

"What, already? Let the poor kid speak, Shikamaru. Neither of you have any idea what to do and i'm tired of watching you run away," Asuma's voice came through the door and he growled discontentedly. The smell of smoke drifted through the door with the words. Shikamaru cursed inwardly and whirled around, eyes darting to the only other escape--the windows. He darted onto the nearest desk and jumped over Gaara, who tried to stop him but only barely missed. 

"You fucking moron, we're on the fourth floor!" His words followed Shikamaru out the window and he rushed to see the man climbing down the face of the building with spectacular agility. The door crashed open and he didn't even flinch as Asuma came up behind him. 

"Unbelievable. I didn't even think about the window..." He shook his head slowly. He'd never met anybody who could run like him. When he put his mind to something, there wasn't a force on this earth that could stop him. Gaara couldn't help but be impressed even as his fury mounted and overflowed.


	8. Going Home

Gaara scowled down at Shikamaru. Of all reactions, this one he hadn't even thought to expect. What sane person jumped out the fourth floor window? He certainly had to give the man credit. He'd met a lot of very dangerous people, but no one but Naruto Uzumaki had been so troublesome. He got the feeling that a fight with him would be very hard won. Beside him, Asuma sighed. "Well, he's quite something. I thought for sure this would work. You'd better follow him. He'll be going home, his address--" 

"I know where it is," fury flooded through Gaara as he darted to the door, grabbing Shikamaru's backpack as he passed it. He ran flat out down the hall, nearly running into Choji. 

"Where's--" He began, but Gaara darted around him before he could finish his sentence. 

"He's getting away, ask later," He called over his shoulder. Choji stared after him in amazement, but didn't bother asking. He'd find out eventually. 

Gaara ran into more people on his way out than he ever had after school, much to his frustration. Each interaction made him more and more angry; first Choji, then Naruto and Neji, and even the Uchiha brothers. He didn't even bother asking why the hell Sasuke's brother was here, just darted around them and called over his shoulder that he didn't have time to talk. By the time he met his siblings in the parking lot he was visibly shaking with anger. All this trouble, just because Shikamaru couldn't just sit down and listen. Worst of all, he knew for a fact that he could have just avoided all of this himself if he hadn't run in the first place. 

"I have to go," He snapped at Temari, who had tried to block his way to talk to him. She took several steps back and swallowed. It had been years since she'd seen her brother looking so monstrously angry. What had happened? 

"You're not going to kill someone are you?" Kankuro asked as he shoved on his helmet. Gaara revved the engine and kicked up the kickstand. 

"Only if he tries to run again," He growled barely loud enough to be heard. By the time he made it to his bike Shikamaru had already run almost all the way home. He nearly ran over three people on his way to his home, and when he got there he parked his bike carelessly on the sidewalk in front of the Nara home. He found a man sitting on the front porch smoking, and dropped Shikamaru's bag on the porch in front of him. 

"Where is he?" He demanded, before he could even speak. Shikaku Nara smiled in amusement at the sight before him. He recognized the red-haired kid from the video, and was surprised to see him so angry. 

"Are you going to hurt my son?" Shikaku lowered his cigarette to stare at him and Gaara had to force himself to focus on the man and not do something he'd regret. 

"If he tries to run away from me again, I'll break his damn legs. I refuse to be ignored again," He growled menacingly. Shikaku snorted. He recognized the look in Gaara's eyes, even layered under primal anger and blood lust. It was the look of a boy that had found himself irreversibly in love with no way of avoiding it and hardly any understanding of what it was and how to process it. Yes, Shikamaru would be fine as long as he could keep himself from being irrational. He gestured over his shoulder. 

"First room on the right, upstairs. Don't get blood on the carpet, my wife will kill me," He watched Gaara leave and chuckled under his breath. "Oh, to be young and in love," he sighed wistfully and remembered the turbulence of his own first love... or, the beginning of it. 

Gaara looked around and darted upstairs, determined to make Shikamaru listen. He kicked open the door and found Shikamaru curled up into a ball on the floor beside his bed. Shikamaru sat up and immediately moved to the window, and for the second time Gaara cursed himself for not moving quickly enough. He followed Shikamaru out the window, landing and rolling back to his feet to tackle Shikamaru. Shikaku watched with a look of interest and vague surprise as Gaara threw Shikamaru down on the ground, twisting his arms behind his back and leaning into him so he couldn't get away. 

"Stop fucking running when i'm trying to talk to you, you asshole. It's hard enough to understand without having to run halfway across town to find you, you didn't have to make me jump out a goddamn window,"

For a minute they both just sat there and caught their breath, and finally Shikamaru spoke. 

"Fine. I'll listen, just get off of me, I can hardly breathe like this," He was scowling deeply and trying to force down the butterflies that came from the fact that Gaara was touching him. What was he, a 12 year old girl? Why was he so wound up by something so simple as his mere presence? He'd had so many dreams of this moment but somehow none of them had included him being threatened like this. Gaara let him up and scowled down at him, but his eyes held a hesitant sort of worry that Shikamaru had never seen before. 

"It's not a joke. I'm actually insulted that you'd think i would stoop so low," Gaara couldn't meet his eyes. He stared down at the grass they were sitting on, muddied by the recent downpour. "Is it so hard to believe that I would enjoy your presence too?" He forced himself to look up and studied the suspicious, guarded eyes of the man in front of him. Shikamaru couldn't allow himself to believe it. There was another long moment of silence. 

"Yes," It was taking a vast amount of self control to keep himself from running again, but he knew that Gaaara deserved the chance to talk about this face to face if nothing else. He could get over his shame long enough to let the man speak. 

"Yes?" 

"Yes, of course it's hard to believe. Why would you--" He cut himself off to sit up straight and look into his eyes. "Why would someone like you like a guy like me? Far as I see it, i'm just the disgusting obsessive druggie ex-boyfriend of your sister," He lowered his eyes to study his clenched hands halfway through this speech, completely missing the disgust that this comment gleaned. Gaara leaned forward to force him to look up. 

"First of all, you didn't really do it, I took it from you and flushed it. And I know the guy didn't sell you more because I put him in the hospital the next day for selling that shit to minors," He tilted his head up and widened his eyes slightly, "And second of all, leave my sister out of this she has nothing to do with you and me. Haven't I already told you you're too good for self-pity? Cut the shit, Nara, before I slap you," Shikamaru swallowed and looked down at his hands again. 

"Fine. I still don't get it, though," Shikamaru pulled his knees up to his chest and scowled at the grass between them. "Why?" 

"You caught my attention. You made me regret fighting someone, and mostly you--" He paused to look over at Shikaku, who was leaning back against the wall and pretending not to be listening. "...You... you loved me," His hand went up unprompted to the tattoo on his face. "Or, you said you did. I've never had someone look at me like that before. Neji was right, I was a coward for running like that. You deserved more than just to be told 'I have to go'. Especially after I told Naruto that I would listen if you talked to me. I'm sorry," 

Shikamaru watched him with amazement on his face. Of all the things he'd considered, he'd never thought about this conversation. It had knocked the breath out of him. He went over everything that had happened since he had first noticed these feelings and could find no reason that would explain why Gaara was sitting in the mud in his front yard and looking at him like that. His mind had, for the first time in a very long time, gone completely blank. The silence stretched painfully on between them until Gaara spoke again. 

"I was wrong, wasn't I? It was just a joke or something. I should have realized. I'm sorry to have bothered you," He stood and turned away, but was stopped just short of leaving by a hand around his wrist. He looked down at it, and then up into suddenly determined brown eyes. 

"You didn't bother me. You've never ever bothered me," Shikamaru yanked him closer and tentatively reached to touch the tattoo on his forehead. "Nothing you could ever do would hurt me. Not even what happened between you and Asuma-sensei," He smiled slightly at the surprise this gleaned and cut Gaara off before he could ask how he had found out when nobody had told him. "No, let me finish before I lose my nerve. I didn't say it just to say it. I don't like lying, it's too bothersome. What Temari said wasn't wrong either," He moved slightly closer and licked his lips, ignoring the fluttering feeling in his chest that burned just below his skin. Gaara stared up at him with wide, surprised eyes and he couldn't help himself. When would he get this chance again? "If you don't believe me, how else can I explain?" He leaned forward and dropped Gaara's hand, kissing him very softly. There was no response except a surprised gasp, and when he looked back at his face he smiled slightly at the heavy blush that had spread over his face. Gaara's hand went up to his mouth. 

"Y-you....you...." 

"If you don't mind it, of course I don't. I was worried I'd contaminate you or something," Shikamaru grinned and wiped a smudge of dirt off of Gaara's face. "You believe me, right?" 

Gaara nodded, slowly getting his mind to work properly again. "Yes...I guess I know what she meant when she said 'spark' now," He glanced over Shikamaru's shoulder and met his father's eyes, and smiled slightly. "Uh, sorry about the whole...shoving you face first in the mud, thing," He gestured vaguely, and before Shikamaru could answer loud laughter came from behind him.

 _Shit, how could I forget my dad?_ He grinned sheepishly. 

"Uh, I guess I shouldn't have jumped out the window again," they turned to the porch and sat on the edge. 

"You're damn right you shouldn't have. What kind of idiot jumps out a fucking window to avoid a conversation? You've got tons of people to explain that to at school. It only took me so long to follow you because I had to avoid so many people asking questions. They were worried enough to bother _me of all people_ , you can't just do shit like that," Gaara took out a cigarette and rifled in his pockets for a lighter for a minute before Shikaku offered his own. 

"I'll want to hear that story," He commented. Gaara took a long drag before answering. 

"Well, you see, your son here..." He paused to let out the smoke, "...decided it would be a great idea to jump out the window of the fourth floor instead of having that conversation, so I had to follow him home," He explained. Shikaku burst out laughing just as Naruto and Neji strolled through the gate. 

"Hey Shikachan, are you okay?" He called. "I saw you climbing down the school building. Where did you learn to do that?" He came up to pat him hard on the back. Shikamaru sighed at the nickname and exchanged a knowing glance with Gaara, who had long since given up trying to get him to stop calling him childish nicknames. That was just Naruto.

"I'm fine. I didn't know I could do that, actually," He admitted. "It was uh, in the interest of running," 

"You two finally sort things out?" Neji was glaring openly at Gaara, who to his amazement just smiled slightly. Both him and Naruto wondered if they'd ever seen him smile. 

"Yeah. You were right, by the way," He looked at Shikamaru and timidly put a hand over his. Shikamaru grinned and laced their fingers together. "I... shouldn't have run either," 

"So, now that everyone's good, can we go get food? Now that the weird tension between you two is gone," Choji spoke from the gate, emptying the last of the crumbs from a chip bag into his open mouth. "I came to ask if you were okay, but I see you're fine," 

There was scattered laughter, and the group moved to a popular nearby fast-food place. They were joined by several people, namely Ino, Kankuro, and Temari. After so long avoiding the situation, Shikamaru felt strangely relaxed. The transition from acquaintances to lovers had been rocky, but he thought that neither of them could have avoided it. They both had tried-- but who could run from such a strong feeling? It had been as if their hearts were already connected--a sort of magnetic attraction that only got stronger the harder they pulled apart. Sure, none of them could have predicted this affair at the beginning of school, but that didn't mean he regretted it. As sat beside Gaara and stared out over the group, he finally felt at ease for the first time since the beginning. 

It felt good, like he was finally home again.


End file.
